I guess i'll leave with an arbitary rating bar (take with a grain of salt, for i'm no pro) That all being said, AMAZING first novel by you sir (if i remember correctly, you did state this as a first) and i wish you only the best in the future (if, GOD WILLING, you look to do more in this medium (More yandere's please))
It then saddened me when i died about two minutes later from a bad end. By the time i was prompted with choice #2, i wanted to ask her out on a date. Really (asides from whining about a much needed audio track) my only complaint is that i can't love her sooner. I managed all the bad ends in a row, before getting the happy end (which made the happy end that much better). up until the train station, i guess certain people would view it differently there)Īlbeit, the choices were very few, it was an understandable reason (as the VN itself is very short). What really sells her is the personality, she clearly exhibits the traits of what she is, but done in such a damn cute way that you really can't help but love her (well.
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Really f*cking good (yes i won't swear, even on the internet)Īt first the cute little art and such made me think this was some little pet project, like it was done within an hour of free time, but right after i got to plug my name in and go down the story, i got invested in my little yandere-chan. Would that improve the story? I can't tell, it's just something that came to mind. He could work to give her a more enjoyable life. As a Psychologist he could spend more time with Mia if she was his patient. On the good ending: The optimal choice for Protagonist would not be a job at a convenience store, but to get into a good psychology program at university. You could choose the order you make your accusations in and let the story conclude when they had all been exhausted. Incidentally, if you wanted to add more branching to the story, that seems like a simple place to add it. Half of the repetition in the "virus" thread could be cut for a slight improvement (particularly near line 8638). Some repetition is fine since crazy people (or sometimes even the sane) repeat themselves, but it doesn't move the story anywhere. You might consider using renpy.save at decision points to make the story just a bit easier to traverse.Ĭrazy talk != repetition. But the autosave is not likely to be made anywhere near a decision point. This isn't a bad thing, its a question of how you want to structure your story. I hope this doesn't seem too harsh, that isn't my intention. I liked it enough to tell you my thoughts of it.
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